Introduction
Marriage is a beautiful journey, but like any adventure, it requires effort, dedication, and a willingness to grow together. As someone who has been helping couples navigate the ups and downs of married life for over three decades, I’ve seen firsthand the transformative power of intentional effort in relationships. Today, I’m excited to share with you some of the keys to marriage success that I’ve observed and helped couples implement over the years.
Whether you’re newlyweds or celebrating your golden anniversary, these principles can help you nurture a thriving, fulfilling partnership. Let’s dive into the essential elements that can make your marriage not just survive, but truly flourish.
Maintain Open Communication
Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship, and in marriage, it’s absolutely crucial. One of the most important pieces of advice I give to couples is to “finish the fight.” As Deron Siddons, married for 25 years, wisely puts it, “Never go to bed mad at each other—end a fight then and there so nothing carries over into the next day.” This approach prevents resentment from building up and ensures that each day starts fresh.
Another key aspect of communication is avoiding the temptation to “keep score.” Regina Bussinelli, who has been married for 27 years, advises, “Don’t keep score or rate who does more. A good partner knows when to step in, when to take over, and when to encourage you to keep moving forward.” This mindset fosters a spirit of teamwork rather than competition.
Lastly, remember not to sweat the small stuff. Peter McQuaid, married for 32 years, reminds us to “pick your battles carefully. It’s easy to argue about the silliest of things, but does it really matter how the dishwasher gets loaded?” Focus on what truly matters in your relationship and let the minor irritations slide.
Nurture the Friendship
At the heart of every strong marriage is a deep friendship. Amy Penfil Wolf, married for 26 years, emphasizes the importance of growth: “Expect and accept change. No one remains stagnant for twenty-five years, nor should they.” Embrace each other’s personal growth and see it as an opportunity to deepen your connection.
Kathy Pantele, who has been married for 36 years, stresses the importance of remaining best friends: “Always put your spouse first, even before your children, and that means remaining best friends.” This doesn’t mean neglecting your children, but rather recognizing that a strong marital foundation benefits the entire family.
Supporting each other’s interests is another crucial aspect of nurturing your friendship. Amy Bourque, married for 26 years, shares, “Having separate interests is key to a happy marriage.” Encourage your spouse to pursue their passions, and take an interest in their hobbies, even if they’re not your own.
Cultivate Intimacy
Intimacy goes beyond the physical; it’s about emotional closeness and vulnerability. Paul Doherty, married for 53 years, emphasizes the importance of small gestures: “It’s important to do little things on a regular basis to show your love. That’s why I get my wife her favorite coffee every morning.” These small acts of kindness can have a big impact on your relationship.
Michelle Vanlochem, married for 38 years, advises couples to stay flexible: “As this past year has shown, you have to keep reinventing your relationship to withstand what has been thrown at you.” Be open to changing roles and trying new things together to keep your relationship fresh and exciting.
Exploring intimacy also means being willing to be vulnerable with each other. Share your dreams, fears, and deepest thoughts. Create a safe space where both of you can be your authentic selves without fear of judgment.
Strengthen the Partnership
A successful marriage is a true partnership. Ray Luer, married for an impressive 64 years, shares, “We never had separate vacations or bank accounts and we made decisions together.” This approach fosters a sense of unity and shared purpose.
Nancy Swanick, married for 46 years, emphasizes the importance of marrying your best friend: “Be sure you’re marrying your friend. You need to really, really, really like the person you are marrying just the way they are.” This foundation of friendship and acceptance is crucial for a lasting partnership.
Brenda Mitchell, married for 32 years, talks about keeping the “North Star” in sight: “It was important for us to commit to the journey we decided to take together… divorce was never an option.” This unwavering commitment to your shared journey can help you navigate even the toughest challenges.
Conclusion
The keys to marriage success are not secrets locked away, but rather practices that require consistent effort and dedication. Open communication, nurturing your friendship, cultivating intimacy, and strengthening your partnership are all essential elements of a thriving marriage.
Remember, every couple faces challenges, but it’s how you navigate these challenges together that defines the strength of your relationship. As you implement these strategies, be patient with yourselves and each other. Growth takes time, but with commitment and love, you can build a marriage that not only endures but truly thrives.
FAQs
- How can we improve communication in our marriage?
Practice active listening, set aside dedicated time to talk without distractions, and use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming. - What are some ways to keep the friendship alive in our marriage?
Schedule regular date nights, support each other’s interests, and make time for shared activities you both enjoy. - How can we increase intimacy in our relationship?
Focus on emotional intimacy through deep conversations, practice physical affection beyond sex, and create opportunities for shared experiences. - What does it mean to have a true partnership in marriage?
It involves making decisions together, supporting each other’s goals, and working as a team in all aspects of life, from finances to parenting. - How do we handle disagreements without damaging our relationship?
Focus on the issue at hand rather than attacking each other, take breaks if things get heated, and always approach conflicts with the goal of finding a solution together. - What should we do if we feel we’re growing apart?
Prioritize quality time together, share your concerns openly, and consider seeking the help of a marriage counselor to guide you back to connection. - How important is forgiveness in a successful marriage?
Forgiveness is crucial for moving past hurts and maintaining a strong bond. Practice letting go of grudges and focusing on rebuilding trust.