Understanding Biblical Submission
The concept of submission in marriage is often misunderstood, leading to misconceptions that a wife’s needs are secondary to her husband’s or that her desires are irrelevant. Unfortunately, some churches even perpetuate the belief that a man’s needs must be fulfilled regardless of how the wife feels about it. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
The Bible does indeed instruct wives to submit to their husbands (Colossians 3:18, 1 Corinthians 7:4, Ephesians 5:33). However, it’s crucial to understand that submission is not a one-way street. The Bible also commands husbands to love their wives sacrificially, just as Christ loved the church (Colossians 3:19, Ephesians 5:25, 28, 29).
In Ephesians 5:21, we are called to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Submission in marriage is mutual, a give-and-take where both partners put each other’s needs before their own. It’s a beautiful dance of selflessness and love, not a power struggle or a means for one spouse to dominate the other.
Communicating Your Needs
Open communication is the foundation of a healthy, intimate relationship. As Michele Weiner-Davis, a renowned marriage counselor, often emphasizes, “Effective communication is the lifeblood of a strong marriage.” When it comes to physical intimacy, it’s essential to express your desires and boundaries respectfully.
Instead of criticizing or complaining, frame your needs in a positive light. For instance, “I really enjoy when you do this” or “I would love for us to try that.” Avoid accusatory language like “You never…” or “I don’t like how you…” and focus on finding compromises that work for both of you.
Remember, physical intimacy is a journey of learning and growth. Your husband may not instinctively know how to fulfill your needs, so guide him gently and with patience. As Weiner-Davis advises, “Be careful how you communicate. The submissive wife is careful about how she communicates her feelings.”
Building Intimacy
Physical intimacy is not just about the act itself; it’s about cultivating an emotional and spiritual connection with your spouse. Make time for intimacy, even if it’s just a quickie in the morning or a passionate encounter after the kids are asleep. Treat this time as sacred, free from distractions and responsibilities.
Keep things exciting by trying new positions, games, or roleplaying scenarios. Experiment with toys or props to add an extra layer of stimulation. As the famous quote goes, “Variety is the spice of life,” and the same applies to your intimate life.
Most importantly, nurture the emotional bond between you and your husband. Share your fantasies, communicate your desires, and create a safe space where you can both be vulnerable and open. True intimacy is not just physical; it’s a deep, emotional connection that transcends the bedroom.
Conclusion
Obeying your husband sexually is not about being a doormat or fulfilling his every whim. It’s about building a mutually satisfying, intimate relationship where both partners’ needs are met, and both are actively working to please the other. It’s a dance of submission, communication, and emotional connection, rooted in the biblical principles of love, respect, and selflessness.
As you navigate this journey, remember to approach it with patience, empathy, and a willingness to grow together. Seek guidance from trusted sources, whether it’s a Christian counselor, a marriage workshop, or a supportive community of fellow believers. And above all, keep God at the center of your marriage, for He is the ultimate source of love, wisdom, and fulfillment.
FAQs
How can I initiate intimacy with my husband without feeling awkward?
Initiating intimacy can be challenging, but it’s important to approach it with confidence and playfulness. Start by creating a romantic atmosphere with candles, soft music, or even a massage. Flirt with your husband, leave suggestive notes, or wear something that makes you feel confident and sexy. Remember, intimacy is a natural and beautiful part of your marriage, so don’t be afraid to express your desires.
What if my husband and I have different sexual needs or desires?
It’s common for couples to have different levels of sexual desire or preferences. The key is open and honest communication without judgment. Discuss your needs and find compromises that work for both of you. If necessary, seek guidance from a couples therapist or counselor who can help you navigate this aspect of your relationship in a healthy and respectful manner.
How can I overcome body image issues that affect my intimacy with my husband?
Body image struggles are common, but they shouldn’t prevent you from experiencing the joy and intimacy of physical love with your spouse. Focus on the emotional and spiritual connection you share, and remember that your husband loves and desires you as a whole person, not just a physical body. Consider seeking counseling or joining a support group to work through these issues in a safe and nurturing environment.
Is it okay to use intimacy aids or toys in our marriage?
Absolutely! There’s nothing wrong with incorporating intimacy aids or toys into your marriage, as long as both partners are comfortable and consensual. These tools can add excitement, variety, and new dimensions of pleasure to your intimate life. However, it’s important to communicate openly about boundaries and ensure that both of you feel safe and respected.
How can we keep the spark alive after years of marriage?
Even long-term marriages can experience the occasional lull in intimacy, but there are many ways to reignite the spark. Try new activities together, plan romantic getaways, or simply make more time for date nights. Surprise each other with thoughtful gestures or revisit the places and activities that brought you together in the first place. Most importantly, continue to nurture your emotional connection and make your partner feel desired and appreciated.